Wow, it’s Monday again. Love that for us, friend. Monday Musing is a weekly drop where I share what I’m bringing into the week from the week before and the weekend, some Notes of Gratitude, and a prayer/invitation until we should meet in this inbox again.
My routines have been crucial lately.
I get into these modes sometimes — hyper-disciplined, goal-oriented, and determined. There’s so much creative energy churning in my spirit that my body has to move it. Movement becomes crucial to how grounded I feel throughout the day. The last time I felt like this, I fucked around and moved to New York City.
I haven’t gotten into the details like that yet, but my days in the city are indeed coming to a close, at least for now. That’s another post for another day, but I’m excited about what awaits on the other side.
A friend this week made me recall this movie, The Right Stuff, as we were workshopping this essay I’d been working on. “The Right Stuff” refers to the grueling mental and physical tests that Chuck Yeager, John Glenn, Alan Shepard, and the rest of the Apollo 7, as they came to be known, had to go through in order to become the first astronauts to fly into space. Made in the 80s, I originally watched the film in an aeronautics class that I took in high school that was taught by one of my favorite teachers ever. Science was my shit in high school. It was my highest-scoring section of the ACT. But I digress…
At the time, I remember identifying with Gordon Cooper’s character (played by Dennis Quaid), being from a small mining town in New England, being crazy enough to think he had what it took — the right stuff — to go to space… For each of these characters, the odds weren’t stacked in their favor per sé. I mean, this is space travel we’re talking about. Of course, these are white men, whose audacious leaps and risk-taking antics get to ultimately be celebrated, but all things considered, I empathized with the sentiments of the film: y’know, underdogs overcoming the odds and all.
Cause, baby, this week, I’ve been reflecting on my own odds over the last few months and like, it was giving, God, quit playing with me.
“The Right Stuff” is also serves as an appropriate metaphor as it relates to my own life. I was raised to think that life was about what I knew. A few years into my 20s the lie detector test determined that that was a lie. And having the right stuff isn’t about how strong you are, or how much you know; it’s not quantifiable in that way. “The Right Stuff” is about the courage to do what’s never been done to in order to have what once was thought to be impossible.
But as the dust settles and the smoke clears, I’m sitting here laughing at the irony that I guess I was indeed strong enough, mature enough to withstand the Category 5 winds of emotional turmoil I’ve endured over the last few months, dare I say year(s) of my life.
It’s riveting. The days and weeks before you know you’re whole life is about to change. A new setting, new space, and re-newed confidence in my ability to carpe this mutherfuckin’ diem. The universe rewards the brave.
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.”
— Terrence McKenna
Notes of Gratitude
Nothing brings out the attitude of gratitude like spring time. In the dumpster fire of it all, gratitude has been a powerful tool in helping not blow my entire life up. It’s really the simple things.
NYBG Orchid Show - I was really happy to see the Orchid Show at the Botanical Gardens last week and then the final show, this weekend. Orchids are dope as hell, if you ain’t know. So many colors and varieties. They’re beautiful, but one of the more difficult flowers to care for and maintain.
They require just the right amount of sun, shade, and water to reach their full potential. With patience, orchids can be beautiful seasonal companions.
My friend here made it through the winter!
Longer days - The seasonal affective disorder was beatin’ everybody’s ass over the winter. When the sun closes up shop early, so does my mental health. So, I’m happy that the sun is there to greet me when my cat wakes me to feed him.
Movement - A bitch been back in the gym and the endorphins are giving me life!
You know what helps me to get out of my head? To get in my body. For 45 mins to an hour, 3-4 times per week, it’s just me against me. Blood pumping, muscles expanding and contracting, reminding me of this body.
Reminding me that I’m here.
What I’ve Been Reading/Listening To/Consuming
I feel bad for not reading more in this current season, but also it is what it is. My reading spells come in waves and though I’ll pick up books on my bookshelf to skim them if I’m looking for something in particular, but other than that, it’s been the music and the podcasts for me.
The Friend Zone and The Read — staple content. I need it every week. I be open-mouth cackling over my kitchen sink while I do dishes listening to these fools chop it up about pop culture, current events, and their personal dramas.
My fandom at this point is over 10 years in. They were my voices of levity and inspiration as a baby gay in college. Timely. Provocative in perspective. Funny af. Crissle, Fury, Fran, Dustin, and Asanté are all my friends in my head.
Finding Our Way — you know me, always trying to deepen my praxis of liberation haha. Nah, but fr, I deeply admire the work of Prentis Hemphill and the conversations in these episodes. As they prepare for a new season, they’re re-airing some older episodes. This one featuring Miriam Kaba had me journaling for a long time the other day about abolitionist futures and mourning a decaying world.
Cowboy Carter — That new Beyoncé? Yeah, still spinning that heavy. I haven’t felt like this about a project of hers since 4.
“Awaken, My Love” — Childish Gambino. That last song always gives me goose bumps.
ME YOU & GOD — Jidenna. Yeah the whole thing. Just the vibes to be gearin’ up for my hot gworl summer. Melanin and making out on the beach at sunset.
Songs in the Key of Life — Stevie Wonder. Nobody or nothing hits quite like Stevie. This one of the albums I play when I really just need to worship.
Verve Remixed playlist — A homie put me on to this playlist of remixed classics from Verve Records. Great to play at the kick back or at the house by your damn self while you smoke weed on the couch.
Invitation
Sista Glo Rilla blessed me when she reminded all the world of the simple truth that at the end of the day, the day gon’ end. It reminds me of another homily that says: If God don’t do it, it simply won’t get done.
At the end of the day, what’s done is done. And what ain’t done, ain’t done.
So go to sleep. You get to try again tomorrow.
the courage to do what’s never been done to in order to have what once was thought to be impossible
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